So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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