Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
