That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
