Got a toothbrush?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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