after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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