Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
