Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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