would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
