I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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