He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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