your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he shaved USA in his pubs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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