I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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