We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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