I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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