Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
