I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
