If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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