so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
