Soap is not a condiment
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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