Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he wants to bone in the snuggie
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
