everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
