she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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