whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
