So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
