the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
