Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
