Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
