You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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