just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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