I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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