Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
