Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
