oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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