Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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