Whod you bang
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
