It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
