no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
