anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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