that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
