We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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