Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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