sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
