Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
