you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
