took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
