well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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