Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
birth control should be required to get into college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
