try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
