Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
