If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
