Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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