Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
