Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
