I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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