Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
