In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
