god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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