based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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