I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
