what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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