I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
