I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
