i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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