I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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