Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
