Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
