hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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