She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
