Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
