Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
