i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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