mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
