my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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